I Have to Say This Right Now

Right now, I am thoroughly disgusted by the educational system in our society. It is so frustrating to be a person who cannot live up to her potential because of bad guidance. I am not necessarily calling out any particular person or place, but the whole system in general is shot to hell. My frustration is stemming from the realization that I will never be a professional at what I like or love. I like reading and writing, and I love basketball. Neither of these fields fit my profile right now; because of ethical and spiritual beliefs they never will. I do not believe in moving backwards, which is what I would have to do in order to go into graduate studies of English Literature. I missed a lot of literature studies that I could have completed because I was sorely misguided by the entire academic institution, pre-school through now. Don’t get me wrong, I had encouragement in English Literature, otherwise, I wouldn’t have a bachelor’s in the field. But my ability to study English Literature and my ability to be a professional in the field of English Literature are two entirely different concepts.

Likewise with basketball. My ability to know how to play the game is entirely different from my ability to play the game. And speaking of sports, what’s so wrong with having roles, gender or otherwise? If there is a man and a woman, and the man is more suitable for the job, then what’s wrong with giving the man the job, even if the woman has trained for it? What I’m saying is, having a career is like playing sports; play your role. I think I’m good at studying English Literature, I like studying English Literature, so why can’t I be a professional in the field of English Literature? Let me tell you why. I scored too low on a graduate aptitude test, which, according to the makers of the test, is not a test for which I can study. The test is, according to my interpretation, a gauge of one’s exposure to the content on the test. This means that I could have scored in the 75th percentile in seventh grade, but since I wasn’t able to have access to any more material to further my growth in the field, now I am 75% below my actual intellectual ability in the field. Is this my fault? I really don’t think so.

Okay, I get the part about life isn’t fair. I get the part that teachers don’t make miracles if the kids aren’t being helped at home. But I wasn’t getting help at home or at school and was still making excellent grades. Yet, I fell through the cracks. Is that my fault? I didn’t make the cracks. And I’m not the one who didn’t develop a safety net for students like myself so they wouldn’t be able to fall through the cracks. It’s true I was ‘abnormal’ to say the least, when I was growing up and to this day. But I’m the type of person that deserves not to be shamed and discriminated against for circumstances beyond my control. Now gay people, transgender people, they are specifically responsible for their circumstances. You don’t have to agree, but this is my perspective. Human beings are born to reproduce, and you mean to tell me natural selection didn’t select all these millions of gay people not to reproduce, and then they go and want kids anyway? And then they assign gender roles in their relationships? And why am I a homophobe because I think gay people choose to be gay? If I’m a homophobe, does it make gay people heterophobes, since they are scared to be ‘straight?’ I, by myself, did not come up with the concept that fertilization is a reproductive process that occurs between the egg, which women carry, and the sperm, which men carry. And to say then, that the reproductive process is flawed, because there’s people born wanting to breed with people of the same sexual orientation doesn’t make sense to me. Don’t get me wrong, if you want to be gay I can’t tell grown people what to do. But don’t go blaming it on nature; I don’t blame nature for my having excessive facial hair, I blame the stress and environmental factors that led to my hormone imbalance. Because I didn’t always have excessive facial hair, and there was a point that I actually was anxious to reproduce, like most human beings. But all this about gay people being born like that is some extracurricular nonsense. Even if there were reports of the gay gene, I still wouldn’t believe it, because science can be manipulated for political gain as much as any other institution created by man.

The point of my argument about homosexuality is this; I literally did not choose to be in the field of social advocacy, it fell upon me. I am naturally better at reading and writing than I am at supporting people who are disadvantaged and/or underprivileged. I feel like I’m not fulfilling my purpose in life by being a social advocate. There are gay people who want kids. There are gay relationships that have gender roles. So how can you say you were born to want to reproduce, with a person of the same sex, and yet there are still distinct gender roles in the relationship? In my perspective, it sounds like you might as well had been straight. Like I said, I didn’t choose to be better at English Literature than I am at social advocacy; and I’m still not, even though I’ve studied proactively in both fields. If men and women reproduce more easily with one another than with those of the same sex, then how can you say sexual orientation is just a process of nature? And what’s with labeling kids with sexual orientation, and they haven’t even reached puberty! They don’t even know what sexual orientation is, let alone how to know what they want out of a sexual relationship. And even at puberty, some still don’t know; the experience simply hasn’t confronted them yet.

So forgive me if I don’t conform to the liberal standards of living with heterophobes. Like I said, I’m the last person to be trying to tell some adults what to do or think. But I know this; I do and probably always have looked like a male. I’m not sexually attracted to females though, and never have been. I’m 7up on that – never have, never will. And to think there’s some child right now, who desperately wants an education, who hopes and dreams of going into the career fit for him – fit for who he is personally and intellectually – but will have to settle for something else, because the adults were busy worrying about if he liked females or males. Society has its priorities dreadfully screwed up, and it’s not just about legal injustice and income inequality. Yes, there are levels, or layers to this here.

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3 thoughts on “I Have to Say This Right Now

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